...as Patrick Stump so aptly put it - I have decided I don't want to experience nostalgia anymore.
I work at a school and at this school there are some kids. Lots of kids in fact. Now most are bland and boorish, a few are infuriating but now and then you meet some that are special.
As a teacher you occasionally get a group of kids that get you and work well with you and when it happens...you feel like Charlie with his golden ticket.
The problem is - they grow up. Over the last year I have spent almost 12 hours every week with the same group of Year 11 kids, helping them to grow and improve. Some I have had no impact on but one or two I would like to think would remember me for at least 6 months.
Due to school being boring and me being fairly young, we have grown quite close and I used to like the fact that they couldn't wait to see me. Finally a group that will listen to me. And they did. We had a fantastic year and yesterday they enjoy their final assembly and prom.
Now it is time for the world to take them and look after them and I highly doubt if I will ever see them again. I only wish them well and have high hopes that they will all succeed in whatever they chose to pursue. But what about me?
As self-centred and conceited as that sounds - what about me? I get left behind and the carousel starts up again. This, I am learning, is the life of a teacher. I have not developed the skill of staying detached and wouldn't want to but for now it means every year I get left behind by people I am used to having in my life.
I don't want to look back on the times we had with nostalgia. I want them to leave and have great lives and God knows it would be weird if they wanted to still see me but I hate change and have ended up in a career with bags of the stuff.
I don't like it.